Appreciating Little Things and Living a Purposeful Life in Sobriety – with Christian P. (Life Story)

In this episode, Christian shares how no matter how many times you fall down, you can get back up, embrace sobriety, and live a meaningful life. You will hear how he was finally able to beat alcoholism by being honest, open-minded and willing; by letting go of his ego, his stubbornness and accepting help from others.

What we discussed during the show:

00:00 Intro
01:24 Christian’s favorite quote: “Death smiles at us all; all a man can do is smile back.”
01:53 Christian’s background
04:13 How his drinking began, and, progressed
08:03 His coping strategies for cravings
10:10 What Christian has accomplished in his sobriety journey so far, and what he hopes to accomplish in the future
16:55 Christian’s thoughts on what the key is to finding long-term success in sobriety
19:44 Top three reasons why people relapse
21:55 What does the word ‘recovery’ mean to Christian
22:09 Christian’s rock bottom
23:37 Happiest moment of life
24:29 Who Christian looks up to
25:37 Has Christian forgiven himself?
26:44 What is he trying to learn/grow into
27:46 What he wished he knew when he was 20
35:44 Rapid Fire round – 5 Questions
1. What’s on his nightstand: Books
2. Favorite meal: Pizza
3. Favorite recovery-related resource: Joe & Charlie’s recovery radio
4. No. of hours of sleep every night: 6-8
5. Favorite TV show: Sons of Anarchy
6. One thing he’s grateful for today: Constant love and support of his family
37:40 Christian’s advice to anyone struggling with addiction

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Episode Transcript

Pranaya

Hello, and welcome to another episode of silverside chat. I’m your host Pranaya Ghimire. Thank you for joining me today. Before we get started, please take a moment to subscribe to the show in the app you’re listening to. That way, you will not miss any new episodes, and you will help me by boosting the ranking of the show on the various charts.

Today, I’m very excited to have Christian P. as my guest. Christian, thank you for coming to the show. Why don’t you get started by sharing a quote that you find inspiring and what that means to you.

Christian

Hey, my name is Christian. I am an alcoholic. I’m happy to be here and a quote that has always stayed with me for whatever reason is that “Death smiles at us all; all a man can do is smile back.”

Pranaya

Before we get into your story, can you tell us briefly about yourself, so that we can get to know you? Who you are, where you from, your background, your hobbies, whatever comes to mind?

Christian

Yeah, I’m Christian. I’m an alcoholic. I just turned 40. I’ve been drinking alcoholically I would say for roughly 20 years. I grew up in Jersey. Not too far from here. I had a good family, no abuse or neglect or anything like that. I played a lot of sports. I got pretty good grades. I went away to school.

And at 18 years old, I pretty much had a green light to do whatever I wanted. I played sports in college, I joined a fraternity. I had arrived, as someone described it multiple times, I felt like I’d arrived in high school. I felt like I arrived in college. I got a business degree. One of my passions was business and one was culinary. And I decided to go with the business degree because I thought it would be more profitable and a better idea for the long term.

I worked in sales and marketing for several years. And then I got into the fitness industry for several years. And I did well mostly because I would just bullshit people and tell them what they heard. And that’s good when you’re in sales. And then I became a longshoreman eight years ago, and it was one of the best things that ever happened to me in terms of career and opportunity.

Pranaya

What is your sobriety date?

Christian

It is December 23rd of 2020. So you have about me, I think it’s 151 or 150, Friday was 150.

Pranaya

Let’s dive right in and talk about your struggle with addiction. Do you remember how old were you when you first drank or used? Tell us about how it all started?

Christian

Yeah, I’ve shared about this. And I don’t know the first time I had a drink. Growing up, my family were Portuguese. It was not uncommon for my grandfather or an uncle to give me the last couple sips of a beer after they poured it into a glass. So I don’t really remember the first time I had a drink. I could tell you it was a good feeling to be part of and almost feel like an adult even though it was a small child.

I can tell you the first time I got drunk though I was in eighth grade. I guess I was 13 And I had hung out with this group of kids and played sports with them, but I hadn’t gone to school with them in grammar school. So my grammar school friends were fairly conservative. And they really didn’t do much in terms of rebelling. But this other group that I played sports with after school, they did, and I wanted to fit in, I wanted to be one of them.

And we stole a bottle of whiskey. And we passed it around, and I got completely hammered. I don’t really remember that night, I remember a few things like my parents waking me up at my friend’s house. They were extremely angry and worried that their 13-year-old son hadn’t come home that day, that night. And then they found that I passed out at one of my friend’s house through several calls to mothers and fathers. And that was the first time that I got drunk.

But I didn’t have any type of ambition, or desire that I’ve heard other people talk about to do it again, right away. I very rarely got drunk after that. Throughout high school, I was what you would say, a weekend warrior. I think again, it’s because it had a lot to do with me being an athlete. And the sport that I was in, in particular, was wrestling. And we always had to control our weight. So if I was drinking, it was some mixed drinks. And it was never really to get drunk. Maybe I would get buzzed here and there.

But once I went to school in Providence, that’s when my drinking really took off. Because it was just so commonplace everywhere you went. Everywhere I went, I should say, people were drinking – fraternity houses, sorority houses, bars, clubs, a picnic, it doesn’t matter. Everywhere we went, we were drinking.

Pranaya

How did you finally manage to come to a point where you’re able to stop and stay stopped?

Christian

Well, I’ve been able to stop many, many times. Now, being able to stay stopped is a completely different story. I’ve had bouts of sobriety, months. And I’ve tried to stop drinking multiple ways, none with any long term success, except when I follow a program that’s worked for other people. And the program that seems to work for me is the 12-step program that many people use. It’s definitely different. And it’s hard to explain. But it’s the only thing that has worked, because I’ve tried everything else.

Pranaya

Do you still get cravings? How often, if you do, and what are some coping strategies that you have found useful?

Christian

I find that being completely honest, open and willing, which is one of the acronyms in 12-Step fellowship of how to stay sober. I have to be honest, open and willing. And it’s very, very strange. I’ve been sober, and I’ve had cravings and thoughts and urges in the past. And for whatever reason, they’re not the same. This time as they were in the past. In the past, I would romanticize and glorify in my mind. And currently, although I do often think of drinking on a regular basis, it never gets to the level where I actually see myself doing it. It’s very strange.

It’s very hard to explain. There’s just something inside me at the moment, that basically acknowledges it and then shuts it down immediately. And I’m no specialist, but my guess is that it has to do with the program that I’m working. And I’ve often been told other people will see it before I do. And I have had people telling me that I’m doing really good and to keep up the good work and this and that. Being an alcoholic with an egomaniac, whatever personality that’s also incredibly self-conscious and lacking in self-confidence. It’s kind of hard for me to see but I can feel it as crazy as that sounds, I can feel a difference where that thought never metabolizes into anything more than a thought.

Pranaya

I would like to talk to you a little bit about your journey in recovery so far. I have seen you transform – transform as a human being, transform as a person since you started your journey in recovery. And you’ve said to yourself that you have become open minded, like never before, and you have been open to taking suggestions, and that has really resulted in some strong growth – both inside and out. This is a two part question. What do you think you have accomplished in your journey in recovery so far? And what would you like to accomplish in the future?

Christian

I think I’ve accomplished being less stubborn, and closed-minded. I think this time, in my sobriety journey, I’ve become much more open-minded to help from others, which is something that I’d never liked. And that could be an entirely different story.

Like I said, I was an athlete for a long time. I come from a somewhat of “traditional family” where men are taught that we don’t rely on anybody else. We do whatever we set our minds to. Being an athlete, especially with a sport like wrestling, where it’s not really a team sport, it’s an individual sport, you can’t really rely on anyone else when it comes to game time, or for us match time. So being self resilient was something I always took pride in. But it was also something that I had to set aside in recovery. Because through all of my trials and errors, I’ve learned that this is something that cannot be accomplished individually. It just does not work that way.

The people that I have met that have maintained sobriety just by abstinence, are generally not very happy people. And it kind of defeats the purpose of being sober. So the main thing I would say is being open-minded and accepting. Those are probably two keys that I lacked in the past, I was very close-minded, it was my way or the highway, it was black or white, there was no gray. And especially opening up my perspective on how others view things, as opposed to just my view on things, I feel has drastically helped.

Pranaya

Christian, I would like you to compare your day now versus your day when you were actively drinking. How would you describe your typical day when you’re actively drinking versus your typical day now? What was it like then? What is it like now?

Christian

My day, for the most part, is much more relaxing and less stressful. When I was actively drinking, my main goal throughout the entire day was to get drunk. If I wasn’t waking up to drinking, I was thinking about what minute I can start drinking. I would buy alcohol in the morning because I was worried that if I got out of work late, I wouldn’t make it to the liquor store before they closed in my town at nine o’clock.

I would put the alcohol in my trunk on ice packs. And I would have a couple in the center console. Just so I could start as I was driving home, that’s how obsessed I was. Also, days would just mix together and it was somewhat like an alcoholic haze where I was doing things but not really taking anything and not really experiencing anything. And a lot of my existence was built of lies and hiding my addiction and my drinking from others. And that’s actually incredibly stressful in itself.

So today, not having to hide those secrets, which really weren’t secrets, because I have a lot of red flags that are easily noticeable when I’m drinking, especially from my family and friends, it’s just a much less stressful day. But little by little, I feel that my life has more purpose, that I have more purpose. I enjoy small things much more than I did when my body may have been sober, but my mind was still in an alcoholic haze. I appreciate little things like barbecuing with my family, spending time with my nieces and nephews. Whereas before, I was physically present, but not mentally present. In the past, I was going to work to get that money. But the entire time I was at work, I was waiting till I got out of my machine so I could start drinking. Today I go to work, and I enjoy being there. I take it in. I have multiple group conversations between my non-alcoholic friends and my current alcoholic friends. And all in all, life is just better.

Pranaya

You’ve had some time under your belt now. And I’ve seen the amount of hard work you have put into getting your sobriety back on track. I believe that you have a good, mature perspective when it comes to sobriety. What do you think is the key to finding long term success in sobriety?

Christian

I would have to say that there are a couple of really important characteristics or factors that I need to be aware of. One I would say is maintenance. And by maintenance, I mean to stay sober and continue in sobriety, I call it my like sobriety daily checklist. I really have to not get complacent or lazy with that no matter how good I feel, no matter how well in recovery I think I’m doing.

And the other thing that I think is really important is like this constant vigilance, and awareness of my behaviors, my thoughts, my motives. Because it’s been my experience that alcohol is very cunning and sneaky and can creep up in so many different ways. Something as simple as just telling what some people would consider a white lie, could continually build and be the stepping stones towards a relapse.

So just trying to stay really aware and vigilant of what I’m doing, why I’m doing it, I think helps with long term sobriety. And I believe that although I’m just kind of dipping my toes into it at the moment, doing what I’m doing right now, I think is a really big part of staying in recovery.

And that would be somehow trying to help another alcoholic with my story, my time, my experience, whatever it might be. I recently spoke at a detox, which I wasn’t thrilled about it just because it was a Sunday and I’m naturally lazy and didn’t really feel like doing anything. But it was very gratifying once I did it. And I may have helped somebody, I may not have helped anyone. But I definitely helped myself in my recovery by at least making the effort to help others.

Pranaya

After being in recovery for a while, you see a lot of people come and go, right? If you had to pick three, what do you think are the top three reasons people relapse?

Christian

I would say the top one would have to be their initial reason for getting sober. Because it’s been my experience through personal experience as well as through watching others’ experiences that if the motives for sobriety are not sound, then the chances for recovery are slim.

I would also have to say, and I’m guilty of this, I’ve done this many times, being unwilling and choosey with what I was willing to do and what I was not willing to do. And it turns out a lot of the things that I was not willing to do, that I did not deem to be that important, turned out to be very important. And not doing certain things probably set me back, definitely set me back. And had I done those things, may be I would have much more sobriety, I don’t know. But I’m doing them now. And it’s working. So I would assume that it would have worked. I’m guilty of this as well – of coming into the program, and not relying on anyone or, or not valuing anyone’s help, kind of listening but not hearing and agreeing but not doing. So I’d say those are three pretty big ones.

Pranaya

Thank you, Christian. That brings us to the second part of the show. I’d like to ask you a few personal questions to get to know you a little bit better. Is that okay?

Christian

Of course.

Pranaya

What does the word ‘recovery’ mean to you?

Christian

It means being sick, and getting the treatment that’s needed to no longer be as sick as I was.

Pranaya

What would you consider the rock bottom or the lowest point of your life?

Christian

Well, I heard this once. And I I would say I have to agree with it. That the rock bottom is death.

I’ve been told by people with long term sobriety and I tend to agree with them that no matter how bad things get for anybody, and there’s all different levels, things can always get worse when a person, or myself, starts to drink or continues to drink. So rock bottom, to me, is death.

Now at what point does a person or myself have enough pain and suffering, embarrassment, shame, guilt, that they want to make a change? I think that could be anything you’ve heard of high bottoms, low bottoms. My bottom, although some people said I had a high bottom because I had a job, and I still had a family that cared about me, I would have to say that drinking to the point that my body was not accepting water, which is what our bodies are made of, is pretty low.

Pranaya

Now, I want you to think of a moment in the past, something you’d consider one of the happiest moments of your life. What comes to mind?

Christian

It’s not so much a moment but a time period. And, I would say when I was backpacking – traveling through Europe, for those three months, I would say that was true happiness. Exploring, meeting new people, taking in different countries, the landscapes, the architecture, the culture. I was truly shining at that time. That happens to be one of my favorite things to do though. So it kind of makes sense.

Pranaya

With someone you look up to ?

Christian

I have to say my brother. He’s my younger brother, but we had similar patterns. There was a point where my brother was drinking very heavily daily and somewhere along the lines he just turned right and got off that path with no real assistance from any type of group or person.

He really built a great life for himself, he got married, had kids, has a great job, a nice home. And that’s something that I’ve always kind of wanted. But I’ll be the first to admit that alcoholism, and my love of alcohol has always come before anything else that would get me to that place.

Pranaya

Christian, they say you cannot forgive others, or others cannot forgive you until you have forgiven yourself. Have you forgiven yourself?

Christian

I struggle with that. That is one thing that I have a very hard time even conceptualizing because I have forgiven others. But yet, I can’t seem to forgive myself for everything.

And, or I should say many of the things that I’ve done, and I’ve put people through…There’s a counselor at Bluecrest, that I heard say that, there’s not that much truth to that, because it is easy at times to forgive others and very difficult at times to forgive ourselves. So that’s something that I definitely need to work on. I do have a very hard time with that.

Pranaya

What is one thing you’re trying to learn or grow or develop into right now.

Christian

I’m trying to grow into being a more spiritual and accepting person. I could write down what I need to do and things I need to accept and practice to maintain recovery. The difficult part comes in actually doing those things – being accepting, being kind, because I feel like that’s not my nature, or at least for the last 20 years, I was in a place where that was not my norm. So I need to change that into my daily norm.

Pranaya

What is something people often get wrong about you?

Christian

That I’m always angry.

Pranaya

What is something you wish you knew when you were 20?

Christian

That I have a genetic predisposition to alcoholism.

Pranaya

Christian, we’re now in the last segment of our show, which I call the rapid-fire round. I would like you to answer these questions in one sentence or less. Are you ready?

Christian

Yeah.

Pranaya

What is on your nightstand right now?

Christian

Books.

Pranaya

What is your favorite meal?

Christian

Pizza.

Pranaya

Your avorite recovery related book, or a tool,l or an app or a resource?

Christian

I’m going to give it to Joe and Charlie’s recovery radio. I think they take the cake.

Pranaya

How many hours of sleep do you get every night,

Christian

Six to eight.

Pranaya

A TV show that you binged and thoroughly enjoyed?

Christian

Sons of Anarchy.

Pranaya

What is one thing you are truly grateful for today?

Christian

Constant love and support of my family.

Pranaya

Christian, we’ve now reached the conclusion of the show. Now, one last question before we wrap things up. My mission with this podcast is to reach out to and help anyone struggling with addiction in any way I can.

What advice would you give to someone who is currently struggling with substance abuse – someone, who is listening to us right now, who wants to quit alcohol or any other substance but is lost and confused?

Christian

Check yourself into treatment.

Pranaya

Thank you. That brings us to the end of the show. Christian, I would like to acknowledge you for taking ownership of your addiction and facing it head on, for setting an example for others that you can change, that people can change, that a better life in recovery is possible. And most importantly, bringing a message of hope to others who are still struggling and suffering. I’m truly grateful for your time today. Thank you.

Christian

Thank you.

Pranaya

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Episode Transcript

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