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With his own life experience and his unique style of motivational teaching, David Brower helps those struggling with drugs and alcohol to remain sober. He speaks the language of Spiritual Recovery and knows how to connect with those in need of his message.
With over 1,000 hours of coaching, facilitating and speaking, his dynamic energy is both captivating and inspiring; transforming lives. David delivers confidential VIP boutique services for high-level athletes, actors, and professionals whose anonymity is paramount. Combining compassion, tough love, and spiritual guidance, David has a powerful formula for helping those struggling with sobriety to heal and thrive.
Connect with David:
- DavidBrower.com
- Youtube
- David’s Book: Dance of the Love Caterpillars (BookShop.org | Paperback | Audiobook)
- David’s TEDx Talk: The Power of a Real Human Connection (Le pouvoir d’une vraie connexion humaine)
Other links mentioned in the show:
What we discussed during the show:
- 00:30 Intro
- 02:03 How does David transform people’s lives
- 04:11 How does one go about discovering self / finding meaningfulness
- 04:42 How substance abuse affects / destroys families
- 17:01 How do we stay open to accept all that life has to give / Serendipity
- 26:18 David’s inspirational book about romantic love story of two caterpillars that meet serendipitously (Dance of the Love Caterpillars)
- 32:25 What does the word ‘regret’ mean to David
- 33:30 What is David trying to learn / grow into
- 33:56 What is something people often get wrong about David
- 34:33 What is the one thing that David is grateful for today
- 34:57 Favorite book (Narcissus and Goldmund by Hermann Hesse)
- 35:16 David’s advice to someone struggling to find joy and meaningfulness in life
Other stories you might find interesting:
Episode Transcript
Pranaya
David, welcome to the show!
David
Thank you for having me on, I am honored to be here.
Pranaya
From what I’ve learned about you so far, David, it seems like we all could use a little bit of David in our lives. You are a life coach, speaker, event creator and curator, poet and writer, entertainer of sorts, but tell us, what exactly do you do for people to transform their lives meaningfully?
David
Well, there’s obviously lots of lots of different things that I do, I would say mostly it’s about bringing people to an awareness of themselves and a connection with their own internal joy and resilience, and how to connect with that, and how to bring that into everyday life. And it doesn’t just have to be in moments of extreme ecstasy, or our the everyday moments of life to bring more, more feeling of feeling alive in those kinds of moments.
Pranaya
I want to talk a little bit about finding meaningfulness in life and I want to tie it to my own personal struggles and journey. I struggled with alcohol addiction for the longest time, and I felt like during my addiction, I just went through the motions of life. It’s only when I began my path to recovery, I started seeing things a little clearer. I started looking inward to figure out who exactly I am as a person, what do I truly enjoy, what my core beliefs are, and I still haven’t been able to quite figure them out.
So for example, I picked a major in college, because I thought that provided me with the best prospect of landing a job, I didn’t think twice about whether I enjoyed it or not. I’ll pick hobbies in the same manner. Addiction comes with guilt and shame. And you get into this habit of people-pleasing. I certainly did many things simply because I thought that’s what someone else would want to do, which, sadly, are may or may not be true. That brings me to this question: How does one go about discovering self, discovering your core beliefs, core values, finding true meaningfulness in life, looking internally? What does that process look like?
David
I think you touched on a few of the points that I feel lead people to their purpose, which is following what gives you pleasure, following what you’re passionate about, following which activities – the kinds of ways of you interact with the world where you feel some form of pleasure and reward that brings a smile to your face, right? To think that you just should do something because it’s a successful area to work in. For me, that’s not really good enough, and I resonate very much with what you just told me about going to school. I mean, I went to study political science because I thought I was going to become a lawyer. And the last thing in the world I wanted to do or become a lawyer.
So luckily I did very poorly on the exams. And as you turn the page, I feel like there are moments of dead ends. And that’s the moment where you want to say to yourself, it’s not here. So you take some lessons, turn the page, and then take a moment to just be with yourself and say, what actually do I already do in my life that I really enjoy? Aand start to look there. What kind of people do I like to spend time with? What are the things that stimulate me in a way that’s beyond just intellectual?
For me, being a lawyer, studying political science, it’s fascinating, I mean, come on. But I also got into that, because for me, it felt like the most creative way to actually get through college, because, of course, we all know politics is the most creative field in the world, right? So I would just study like crazy. And then I would just make up arguments and argue them in a way that I thought was convincing. And, it’s pretty much more about how creative you get than it is necessarily about the substance of what you’re saying. So it’s really an exploration process, if you allow yourself to roam – it is really the way I like to look at life, particularly if you’ve had some sort of a crisis or you’ve come to a dead-end with something, don’t just race into something else.
Take a moment, allow yourself to roam, explore, stroll on the streets, sit for hours, looking at sunsets, without listening to music, without external stimulation. And other than that, try and start to learn a few things that start to head in the direction of where you’re going. And this is where I like to bring in the senses. Because I feel the senses bring us to a level of presence with ourselves, that allows us to truly have a full experience of what we’re trying to get a sense of. Do I really like this? If you only go at it from an intellectual, cerebral, mental mindset, you’re just pushing with the mindset. What you do need is willpower, discipline, a certain level of consistency, etc, obviously, but it’s not just that alone.
It’s almost like I like to say, there are lots of smart people in the world. I don’t want to spend any time with these people. Right? I’m not interested in them, they’re probably not very nice. It’s not just about competence. It’s really about attitude, and, and how you feel so that you have to always just take a pause, and keep asking yourself, how does this feel? And what is my instinct saying, my intuition, and just kind of having moments of reflecting and revisiting and you notice, when you do that, you start to feel things right? And you really tap into, oh, my God, I love it. Once, I wrote that blog for somebody on their finance, blog or whatever. I love the process of writing. And you remember what it felt like to do it. Not just what you think about it? What did it feel – it’s really important to kind of get in touch with that.
Pranaya
Yeah, thank you for that, David. I feel like what you just talked about, it’s easier to do when you are open to it, or when you are ready to accept that. One of my goals with this podcast is to reach out to and help as many people as I can that struggle with substance abuse and addiction. So for many people, that’s one of the darkest phases of their life, right? Though trauma is not a prerequisite for addiction, it is one of the leading causes. And there are many other reasons that could lead to addiction, but it is there is no question active addiction is one of the darkest phases of people’s lives. And, what I want to ask you is, how can someone who feels stuck in this vicious cycle of addiction or in this dark corner – they are in this dark room where they cannot figure out what to do, how to get out of there, how can they see light at the end of the tunnel?
David
Well, as you probably know, I would suggest that it’s very useful to be around other people who can be supportive. I think a critical thing is that they’re not with you all the time. But that you’re there with them to have people you can turn to and talk to and that helps you change your way of seeing something. The perspective that brings optimism to you, that encouraging champion who is there for you when you kind of go a little bit too far too long into places of emotional disconnection from yourself and from others. And maybe that you see things so negatively – dark and dreary, and depressive, and, you kind of get into this sort of very dark kind of way. Yeah. So people around you is very, very key.
Second thing is, I can’t say enough about movement. And by that, I mean dancing, I mean exercising, cycling, running. It reminds me, I was actually with a friend of mine, who maybe would be a great guest for you actually, Ian Young, he ran some centers in the UK, to help people get over their addictions. And he still runs something now, out of, I believe, Phuket in Thailand. And Cocaine Anonymous meeting. And it was just an incredible experience I’d never been to. One of these was about three years ago. And one of the things that I really noticed was that people there were really in great shape physically. On the whole, it was almost as if they’d transposed, replaced, let’s say one addiction with the other, one obsession with the other. So with the cocaine thing, you would go into the gym for endless hours, which, why not, if that’s what it takes, potentially, that’s a good thing.
So I would say exercise is clearly a key component to waiting to release, what your head is not able to, like do for your body. Massages are great for this. Yoga, any kind of dancing thing is just brilliant, get up and go to daybreaker. If everyone here knows, I’m sure daybreaker, six o’clock in the morning, no booze, everyone’s drinking. And we talk a lot about all the neurotransmitters that are released. There are four or five of them. When you’re dancing, and you’re with other people, and there’s this ambience, so that I think is really key. I think it’s really useful to potentially have a coach, somebody, you can actually even go deeper with on an individual level, who has a certain way to guide you to keep focused on what matters most to you, and to keep finding a way to appreciate the progress you’re making. And to find a way to find the self-compassion for yourself, to connect with a lifestyle and start creating habits and some accountability, that allows you to actually start to create automaticity, meaning, this, the subconscious mind starts to take over.
And it starts to make decisions for you in a good way, because you’re practicing consciously on the conscious level of their habits. I think that’s also good. Otherwise, I mean, there are other small tricks and things, which, sometimes I even do to allow myself to stay reasonable if I feel like I’m having some periods where I, potentially I’m abusing of one thing or another. For example, I’ve had friends who’ve been kind of addicted to candy and things. Just don’t look at a candy shop. When you walk by, when you navigate, there’s a candy shop or an alcohol shop, on your way home, don’t walk down that street, or if you do, make the commitment to yourself that as you walk by there, you’re going to look the other way entirely. So there’s no visual and it sounds ridiculous.
But if you’re not visually minded, and you replace that with something else, you can actually find a way to distract yourself from that. And, otherwise, it’s really, it’s a lot about word power, it’s a lot about forgiving yourself when it gets hard, or maybe when you slip a little. And, it’s like meditation, guided meditation, you’re going to go and sit for 20 minutes or an hour, or whatever it is. And your head is like the drug, right? It’s just pushing the drug. It just doesn’t stop, never stops. And to think that you’re going to stop this thing from feeding you. It doesn’t happen. It’s how the brain works. The brain just goes on and on and on.
Once you can guide what you want to practice on, and it’s a daily lifelong practice, from the Dalai Lama to anybody, is to guide your awareness on to something and again, I go back to the sensorial aspects to fill instead of being caught into an obsessive thought actually triggered and go into something else. And so this can be done by clapping your hands. You can blink your eyes a few times. You can ask yourself a question – Where am I? And look around you. Start talking about where you want to describe what’s around you, who are you with? What are you experiencing? What do you like about it, and little by little, you train yourself to be able to guide your awareness where you want it to go. And of course, where your awareness goes, that’s where your energy goes, that’s where your attention goes, that’s where your decisions go, and your actions go. And so the more agency that we can get over that, and the more ability to let go, when we’re caught into something else, we can really transition away. So those are just some of the, I would say, strategies that could be useful.
Pranaya
Those are some great tips, David. For me, personally, as you mentioned, replacing one addiction with another really helped and exercise was a big part of it. And it gave me that dopamine rush, the chemicals I need in my brain to feel better right away, and it just helped set the tone of the day when I did my exercise first thing in the morning. And the thing that has really helped me is – trying to avoid boredom at all costs, trying to stay engaged, and put my passion, my energy into something so that I’m busy and focused, and like you said, avoiding the things that I don’t need to, “out of sight, out of mind” kind of thing. But one thing that I appreciated that you talked about, which I had begun to do, and be more mindful about, is not taking things for granted, not taking the little things in life for granted, and being grateful for what life has to offer.
Let’s talk a little bit about serendipity. How do we stay open to accept all that life has to give, especially in those occasional moments, when we least expect it?
David
Well, serendipity is, it’s the spice of life. And a lot of ways it’s that moment of surprise, it’s that much, it’s that – that I thought this was gonna happen, and then something else happened. It’s when you come in with an expectation, you come in thinking what’s going to happen, and, it’s oftentimes more interesting to not know. It’s not that we all want bad surprises but sometimes those happen also. Building some sort of a mix between certainty and uncertainty in life. And if we get too caught into the certainty, I believe, that’s when people get into a phase of being jaded. As you’re talking about boredom, things become repetitive, you become such a motor and your subconscious is automated so much that it’s like you don’t even remember how you got to work. Because your brain is so used to, you don’t remember drinking your coffee, or preparing it or tasting it, or, all these things that happen. And suddenly you do that – the way that you kiss your loved one. So you didn’t remember kissing them, like you’re not even there, right? You’re just so odd, automated.
And serendipity is oftentimes something that can happen without you expecting it. But you can also create, deliberately, intentionally, serendipity and put yourself into situations where serendipity can happen. So let me take a few examples. You go to a restaurant. And there are probably not restaurants like that, but we have some here, where there’s a chef’s tasting menu. So instead of you picking the usual, salmon with spinach, and a glass of cranberry juice, what if you let the chef, you trusted the chef, to give you what he sees, is the best meal for the day – which is a great thing. What if on the way home from work, you actually didn’t take the same way home, you put your phone away, and you started walking down some other streets to kind of find your way?
And you start to really look around you at the world. You look up at the buildings, you look at the trees, you look around the people, you look at the numbers on the houses, you try to smell. If there’s any – smell some flowers or anything that’s coming up, you’re listening for the sounds or you walk by your school or you start to open yourself up to serendipity just by being in the world. like if you walk to work and you suddenly save yourself all I’m going to do my way walk in there is listen to sounds. All I’m going to do is listen to the sounds. And within that, you’ll start to say well, I’m only going to listen to cars. Now I’m only gonna listen to the wind. I’m only gonna listen to the birds. Now I’m only gonna listen to people’s footsteps. Normally they can listen to my footsteps. Little by little, you start to create a world where surprises happen, because you’re cannibalizing where your focus is, you’re not taking everything – just kind of being there in the background. And so I’m playing with this in lots of different ways – you can create for yourself opportunities.
Another thing is – don’t follow recipes. Like if you know how to cook, anything – open a recipe book and open it to just any page randomly, and grab your chopping cottage. Or, if you have friends coming over, to cook for them or something, try and pick something that’s like super difficult, like unbelievably difficult. Everyone says – No, no, don’t dare to cook something hard. When people come over, I’m – no, no, yes, that’s what you do. Because what happens, you suddenly kick into this, well, I got to pay attention here, whoa, wait a minute, let me be focused, let me get strategic, let me be present with all my senses. Because it’s very difficult to boil that milk, and add the spices at the very moment because it may turn right.
And if you’re not present, and you’re not there, and you’re doing the same old, there’s no surprise, you can shake things up in that way. Otherwise, meeting strangers, hanging out with artistic people, creative people, people that almost make you feel a little uncomfortable, because they’re almost not rational, maybe, or they’re way out of your box, right? So, go to a meet-up, that’s on some kind of subject that’s conducive to something that makes you feel a little bit uncomfortable. Maybe just slightly uncomfortable. But when you go there go with an openness. I went to something called Burning Man, which maybe you’ve heard of, and I kind of went there with a little bit with an expectation, not a lot, but and there are a lot of people that project on what that experience is like. And I think that’s really unfair if you’ve been. There are a million different ways to do it. And there’s no clichéd way, per se, but you go there. And if you think you’re going to control things, you’re going to have the worst experience ever.
First of all, it’s not going to happen like you think it is. And secondly, you’re not going to get the magic that’s there, you’re not going to find what it’s like actually to be in a place where, like the most crazy, unexpected, beautiful, loving, generous, giving, imaginative things, and people can come into your space and something beautiful happens. And if you just try to overly control that and control your experience, you don’t really leave yourself open to something that happened when it could be way better than you could have drugged up, right? I thought I was pretty creative. I went there. And this is crazy creativity is off the charts. And so it’s just letting go of the control, but things have to be a certain way for certain things in your life, right? And opening your eyes and looking at people and saying hi to people and starting conversations with strangers. And reaching out – you’re waiting in line at the supermarket and you see something you like, that the person’s wearing something or you recognize the T-shirt they’re wearing. So you create moments that your life would not have that are serendipitous.
====>>>And, life is so great like that, right? It’s like walking through a forest, right? You can’t have serendipitous opportunities. If you’re going through the forest, it’s the same path that kind of everyone has gone through. It’s almost like the Joseph Campbell, Joseph Campbell, I imagine right? The Hero’s Journey he talks about for us to find our way. That night, the mythology that he tells – the Knights come up to the edge of the forest, 10 of them or whatever. But when they go into the forest, each of them goes in their own way. They go find a spot that they want to go in, they don’t follow each other. They don’t go down the beaten path. They find their own path. And when you start to do that, you start to make your own choices in life, you start to head towards the things that you were attracted to. Not anyone else you knew. And you let yourself, you gave yourself the permission to try that. Vipassana, 10-day Silent Retreat. Try that. Ecstatic. Dancing thing. Try that. Daybreaker morning, non drinking 6 am experience. Trying to ride a bike to work instead of taking the car – there are so many ways to shake it up.
Pranaya
Sometimes I feel like, either knowingly or unknowingly, we make life harder than it needs to be.
David
Oh, yes. I’m laughing because I know that, I sense that. Yeah. Come on.
Pranaya
And just like you said, sometimes just letting go of the steering wheel and seeing where life takes us. And it just adds serendipity, so much joy, so much fun, so much ‘aliveness’, to our lives. It’s not about money. It’s not about the grandiose things, it’s about the subtle things in life. And trying to incorporate those things like you just mentioned. That brings me to my next question, David, you wrote a fiction short storybook about the art of loving all of life, called Dance of The Caterpillars. Could you tell us a little bit more about that?
David
Yes, Dance of the Love Caterpillars – it’s an inspirational romantic love story that is about two caterpillars. It’s a story for, adults, principally, two caterpillars that serendipitously meet. Because a lightning bolt comes out of nowhere, and marks down a tree which falls across a river. And falling across the river, it allows the two caterpillars who have no idea that there’s a caterpillar on the other side of the river, actually cross over the river because the tree that has fallen is a love tree. And the love tree has these exquisite, purple red flowers.
And this is actually a real tree that exists in nature, that creates branches that look like hearts, like the cover of my book. And they serendipitously meet because they’re both going to aim to eat this beautiful flower that’s in the middle of the tree over the river. And so the story starts there and I won’t I won’t tell anymore but it’s really a story about trusting life, about serendipity of course and allowing yourself to experience that it’s about starting over again and again because life brings us trauma and drama and experiences we need to come back from. And to get back to trusting life again, trusting ourselves to getting back to loving life again, loving ourself and the experience of really living and feeling alive then involves just a matter of you savoring all of life – this adventure, this roller coaster, that we go to to find a way to get value and meaning out of every experience that you have in life and to really savor the moment, savor life, savor your parents, your loved ones. The job that you have now, the beautiful foods you can eat, be present and get the most pleasure out of it purposely. I would say because that’s really what leads to a beautiful life and really resilient life where you can come back from tragedy.
I wrote this story because, myself, I’d come back from losing my beloved wife of 27 years and going through that and afterwards healing and doing my own version of grieving and realizing I needed a reminder, I wanted a reminder and I wanted to share with people to remind them that life can be rebuilt, reborn and you can restart at any moment. Now! Right now! Right now! Now! Now! Right? So you can really, consciously choose that and I don’t suggest doing that in a way that is is necessarily unhealthy or that’s precipitated. It’s almost like you get divorced and get married the next day or something. There’s probably a period of you needing to find that joy in that love within yourself. That compassion, that independence within you, to then be healthy and vibrant, to be able to connect with other people in a way that’s meaningful and where you’re coming from a place of love and empowerment.
And, you’re more in an abundant space than coming maybe from something that’s injured, scarcity, lacking, because you’ve kind of done your own work. So it’s really a beautiful story. We’re actually, just tomorrow, I guess, releasing the audio version, which I’m really excited about. It’s my reading of the story. And on top of it, there’s an original piano composition by VR, even over Deitrick that accompanies telling him the story. And it’s just exquisite. It’s really a world-class soundtrack and composition. And yeah, it’s just another way to experience the story, which, if you’re into audio, and that is another very soothing and inspiring way to experience it.
Pranaya
David, first of all, I’m very sorry for your loss. And that does sound like a beautiful story. I am, I am an audiobook person myself. But for people who like to buy the book, where can they buy the book, the physical version and the audiobook version?
David
Both of them are on Amazon. Both of them are on IngramSpark, which is where bookstores can go buy that and have it delivered to the bookstores. You could go into a bookstore and ask if they have the book, and they potentially can order it on print on demand for you. You can find it at BookShop.org, which I wanted my book to be also because that is specifically an online place to buy a book that supports local bookstores. For the moment, I’m only able to do this in the US. But if you buy your book there, it gets delivered to one of your local bookstores and they benefit. For the paperback version, on Amazon, and audible, and the audio version is available in I believe also on iTunes.
Pranaya
Sounds good. I’ll add a link to everything you just mentioned in the show notes for this episode as well, so people can easily find them. That brings us to the next part of our show, which is a little bit more personal and rapid-fire type. Are you ready?
David
Let’s do it.
Pranaya
What does the word ‘regret’ mean to you?
David
Not appreciating the learning the lesson and the value of inexperience you’ve had that maybe you are framing as a failure?
Pranaya
Who is someone you look up to? And why?
David
Hmm, I look up to my friend Robin Sharma for his unbelievably dedicated demonstration of his commitment to his craft of creating and writing books and creating content to bring value to people’s lives so that they can lead a life of massive, amazing leadership on all levels of their life.
Pranaya
What is one thing you’re trying to learn or grow and develop into right now?
David
To create interest and to create and offer more vehicles in which people can experience my philosophies, teaching messages, and trainings.
Pranaya
What is something people often get wrong about you?
David
Sometimes I feel people see me as sort of like just a very smiley, positive, person that has not lived through his own struggles, his own challenges, and is perhaps not as accomplished, but has has not done certain kind of work to be able to smile as he does.
Pranaya
What is one thing you are grateful for today?
David
The ability to live in a place where I feel a large sense of freedom of expression.
Pranaya
Besides your own, what is your favorite book?
David
Narcissus and Goldmund by Hermann Hesse.
Pranaya
How many hours of sleep do you get every night?
David
I get eight, eight hours.
Pranaya
Okay. Last question. What advice would you give to someone who is currently struggling with life, who is lost, struggling to find pleasure, joy and meaningfulness in their life?
David
Well, start with making a list of everything that you love, love about life, everything that you enjoy experiencing, everything that you feel you would enjoy experiencing – is one thing.
Second thing is, who are the people in your life you’d love to spend time with. Start spending more time with those people. Start heading towards them to create opportunities, like gatherings, dinner parties, invite a magician over – tell friends you’re having a magician over for dinner, have them come join you – creating sensorial experiences, for others to be able to, to actually experience. If you want them to dance, dancing is such a great way to experience joy. None of us dance enough, including those of us that love to dance. Basically, getting advice can feel at home and I hope anyone remembers people learning but there’s like this super journey, your Mary Poppins on the bicycle, you’re, there’s a sense of, wow, I can, I can actually prepare myself forward through life by my own willpower, my own commitment.
And then I would suggest, find a way to overlap what you need to get done in life. So the purpose is sort of the purposeful side of your life. Try as much as you can to bring pleasure to those moments, I do something when I’m, pruning up or have to do some kind of house thing, sometimes I don’t really want to do, I project myself back to a photo that I have that I took, when I went to the Taj Mahal in India, which is one of the most remarkable monuments, there’s a story behind it, which is just mind-blowing. It’s so crazy. And the picture has about 10 of the cleaners, people that are in the fountain in front of the Taj Mahal. And some of them are sitting, some of them are cleaning and they’re just kind of all there. And I just say, wow, if I can imagine that, what I’m doing is an in front of that kind of a setting. I’m doing something that’s contributing to, and part of the beauty of one of the most beautiful places the planet knows. And so I transpose myself with my imagination. And it takes me out of this sense of duty and task and drudgery for doing things.
And lastly, start to really familiarize yourself with your senses. As I say, come to your senses, start to delineate with each of your senses, and pay more attention to your senses. So for example, I talked a lot about food in the eating experience. Because that is a moment…, cooking uses all five of your senses. And so if you go to the present when you’re cooking something and you thought something very special to cook or even not, and you start to use your nose to smell it, and you start to look at it more closely and observe it more and you notice the beautiful colors. And you imagine where this food has come from and other people that have contributed to bringing it to your table and you realize that this has been going on with the rest and you go to a very much gratitude kind of sense of it. And at the same time when you start to sit down and eat – I never sit at my table alone, much as with other people without doing a very, pretty table. So I have a real napkin, so not a paper napkin, not a paper towel, a real, very pretty fabric napkin, because I want to make this moment a moment of honoring myself and honoring the people who made this food and I’m also training myself to be with other people, right? I’m doing this self-love. I’m practicing eating properly, there’s so much there, right? And so I’m sitting there, I put my, my best silverware. And I never put any plastic, any jars or anything on my table, I try to keep it beautiful. And in doing so you’re honoring the moment, you’re celebrating the moment and whatnot, bringing a little bit of serendipity. Buy a different kind of candy bar than you’ve ever bought at the gourmet candy shop. try something that’s adding your comfort zone, and bring that to the meal.
David
And as you start to do this, you start to get better, first of all, like cooking and eating, your senses get better, you start to know better with ordering from restaurants, you start to know yourself better, you start to appreciate the moments better, you start to, like have an HD experience of what’s going on around you. And that starts to push away the anxiety, the dread, the focus that we can be drawn to. When we’re tired, when we’re in burnout, when we’re in blowout, when we’re just kind of even jaded with our life, or maybe we’re suffering in some way. And we can’t seem to snap it. I think that’s, that’s kind of a way to do it too. And, having people over to eat, whatever kind of style cooking, do whatever doesn’t really matter – is great, it’s really great moments. And I would say if you can, find out if your friend actually plays an instrument, who of your friend sings. And again, I want to bring into your life essence, a little experience. So when you put on a dinner, make sure always you have somebody who knows how to sing, or knows how to play the guitar, plays the piano, or somebody maybe who dances and so they’re going to dance for you. And then they’re going to teach you a little bit of a dance step.
You have a comedian who comes in tells you funny stories, so you start to create. You’re a ringleader, right, you’re this magician, you are more than the enchanter you are, the world’s greatest entertainers, because you’re bringing the people into your life, that starts to completely change your life. And so the ingredients of your life start to change and your entire life consequently, migrates in that direction. And maybe that sounds more easily said than not. But I’m telling you, it’s really about you going towards people, you actually creating the experience for yourself and others, making choices that bring you into experiences that allow you to do that. And so yeah, really come back to your senses, experience more the world through them. And this, already as we talked about earlier tonight, it replaces thinking, right? It’s kind of like meditation, but I don’t use the word mindfulness in what I do, I use ‘alivefulness’, because I’m talking about an interaction with the world not sitting with your eyes closed, sitting at home. I’m talking about when you’re walking down the street, when you’re in conversation with somebody when you have some kind of a situation that troubles you, to be in a space where you are actually quite awakened and present.
And again, overall, keep asking yourself, how can I savor more of this moment. I mean, I said to myself on my tombstone I want written ‘nobody loved life better than David Brower …he appreciated life, savored life better’. And Pranaya, and I only say that because I want that for everybody. Like everybody should have this on their thing, this, we’ve got to do our best to help each other. And recognize in ourselves when we’re starting to feel sorry for ourselves, which I’ve had some of that in my life, I tell you, when my mom passed away, 30 years ago, the one thing I said to her on her deathbed. The last thing I said was, I promise you, Mom, I’m not going to feel sorry for myself. and it was my way of saying, I’m not going to let negativity, anxiety, failure, self-esteem issues…I am not going to let those things win. I am gonna everyday wake up, not every day is perfect, but every day I’m gonna go at it and I’m going to keep coming back to these fundamentals.
When you get out of whack, ask yourself, am I doing the five things that bring me joy and make me feel better? So for example, you were talking about exercise, like am I exercising like I usually do? If you’re not, then there’s probably a problem. Are you eating too much food these days, versus what do you usually eat? So it’s like constantly adjusting this but it takes self-awareness, and realizing, kind of what you’re doing on a more regular basis. But going back to those five habits, lifestyle habits, I want to call them that actually, make you feel like you’re really alive. And if you’re not doing them, just go back and do those. Start there. It’s like a second meditation. Just start again. Start again. Start again.
Pranaya
Thank you, David. That beautiful note helps us conclude the show. Where can people find you, connect with you?
David
You can find me on DavidBrower.com. My website is also called ‘alivefulness’ with one L. And you can find me on Facebook, and Instagram – Instagram, my handle is @thesensorialguy. And those are really the main, the main places I’m playing for now.
Pranaya
I will add the links to everything that you just mentioned to the show notes for this episode. That brings us to the end of the show. David, I would like to acknowledge you for the amazing work you’re doing, for improving the lives of so many and most importantly, helping people find joy and happiness in the small-most details and nuances of life. I’m truly grateful for your time today. And thank you.
David
Thanks, Pranaya. I loved being with you.
Pranaya
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