Law Enforcement, PTSD, Addiction & Recovery – A Retired Police Officer on Dealing with Life on Life’s Terms – Mike Lando

Mike is a 57-year-old retired police officer from Long Island, NY. He is a lover of mother nature, and enjoys hunting, fishing, gardening and cooking, among other things. He is a father of two awesome adult children and Papi to two grandsons.

In this episode, you will hear Mike share his life story and how a significant incident in his career and the following events led to his mental health decline and increasing dependence on alcohol. You will also hear about how he got the help he needed, the ups and downs of his life and how he is dealing with life on life’s terms.

What we discussed during the show:

00:00 Intro
01:51 Mike’s favorite quotes (three):
1. “The Axe Forgets What The Tree Remembers”
2. “A Satisfied Life is Better Than a Successful Life”
3. Peace Prayer of Saint Francis:
  - “Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
    where there is hatred, let me sow love;
    where there is injury, pardon;
    where there is doubt, faith;
    where there is despair, hope;
    where there is darkness, light;
    where there is sadness, joy.
    
    O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
    to be consoled as to console,
    to be understood as to understand,
    to be loved as to love.
    For it is in giving that we receive,
    it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
    and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.”
05:36 Mike’s background
07:41 How his drinking began
12:01 How an incident in his career led to his retirement from the police force and mental health decline
15:16 Mike’s attempt at recovery
19:08 What Mike has accomplished so far in recovery, and, what he hopes to accomplish in the future
22:23 Mike’s thoughts on what the key is to finding long-term success in sobriety
26:14 What does the word ‘forgiveness’ mean to Mike
27:31 Has Mike forgiven himself?
27:37 Mike’s rock bottom
28:59 Happiest moment of life
31:03 Who Mike looks up to
33:00 What is he trying to learn/grow into
38:09 Something people often get wrong about Mike
35:44 Rapid Fire round – 5 Questions
1. What’s on his nightstand: A lamp and an ASP Baton
2. Favorite meal: Anything that is fun and exciting to prepare
3. Favorite recovery-related resource: My Spiritual Toolkit App
4. No. of hours of sleep every night: 8
5. Favorite TV show: Downton Abbey
6. What is Mike grateful for today:
  - Continued growth and understanding of himself
  - His children
37:40 Mike’s advice to anyone struggling with addiction

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Episode Transcript

Pranaya

Hello, and welcome to another episode of SoberSide Chat. I’m your host Pranaya. Thank you for joining me today. Before we get started, please take a moment to subscribe to the show in whatever app you’re listening in. That way, you will not miss any new episodes, and you will help me by boosting the ranking of the show on the various charts.

Today, I’m very excited to have Mike Lando on our show. Mike is a 57 year old retired police officer from Long Island, New York. He is a lover of mother nature, and enjoys hunting, fishing, gardening and cooking, among other things. He’s a father of two awesome adult children and Papi to two grandsons.

Mike, it’s so great to have you on the show today. Welcome!

Mike

Thank you very much. Tonight, I’m excited to have you as a guest in my home and see you again, my friend. And I hope that this conversation is beneficial to anybody who chooses to listen to it.

Pranaya

sounds like a plan, Mike.

Why don’t you get us started by sharing a quote that you find inspiring and what that means to you.

Mike

All right. So, knowing that you were going to ask me that, if it’s okay with you, I actually have three quotes that are important to me. The first one is a simple quote, it states that “The axe forgets what the tree remembers”. And that quote to me, I mean, you can interpret it however you feel. But I think it’s pretty clear what it’s trying to convey. And the reason it’s important to me is I know that I have been the axe in the past. And I also know that I’ve been the tree as well. And it’s important for me now, to not be an axe again in the future. And to recall the times in my past when I’ve been an axe and to try to, if possible, correct or make amends on those matters. And as the tree I just don’t want to be a victim. And I choose to move past the things that have scarred me.

The most important quote I want to share with you, and the reason this is important to me, is that we are to have a higher power. And I don’t impose my higher power on anyone else. And I don’t want anyone else to impose their higher power on me. But this is an actual prayer. And anybody, no matter what religion, no matter what denomination, no matter what their higher power is, this prayer can be applied by anybody who chooses to just listen to what it says and wants to be better today than they were yesterday. So if you don’t mind, I’m just gonna read you the peace prayer of St. Francis. And it goes:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

where there is sadness, joy.

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

to be consoled as to console,

to be understood as to understand,

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

So that is the peace prayer St. Francis and I just think that it’s a great prayer for anybody to say on a daily basis to try and put their best foot forward. And I also continue to learn from that for I learned it in high school and just recently came to understand the very last sentence where the prayer says it is in dying, that we were born to eternal life. A lot of Christians might believe that, to mean that, you know that it isn’t dying, that we were born to the afterlife, to go to heaven with Jesus there.

However, in our setting, and what it means to me in recovery, and for me specifically, it is in allowing my ego to die. Ego has been my biggest problem my entire life, I believe. So it’s in allowing my ego to die, that I am born to eternal life. So that’s how I choose to interpret that prayer. And I know I’m talking a lot.

But the last thing I’m going to share with you is something that came across recently. The current quote that I found that I really like a lot is, it states that “A satisfied life is better than a successful life”. Because our success is measured by others, but our satisfaction is measured by our own soul, mind and heart. It’s taken me 57 years prior, but I finally came to realize that satisfaction in self is more important than success in other people’s eyes. So thanks for letting me share those with you.

Pranaya

Thank you for that, Mike. Now, before we get into your story, can you briefly tell us about yourself so that we can get to know you a little bit – where you’re from, your background, your hobbies, whatever comes to mind?

Mike

Okay, so you went over it a little bit in my biography. I’m 57 year old dad, have two awesome children, adult children. My daughter is 33, married with two children. And, my son is 27 and has a committed relationship with his girlfriend. And that is really who I am. That’s my main motivating factor.

I’m from Long Island, went to an all boys private Catholic college prep school on Long Island. And my entire life, I knew I only wanted to become a police officer. I knew that from the time I was four years old. And, to my parents’ dismay,, that’s what I ended up becoming once I graduated college. I went to college in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, and became a Wilkes-Barre police officer. So that’s pretty much my childhood. In my early professional career, I was married to my college sweetheart, my college girlfriend. We got married after our graduation from college, and we were married for 13 years. And that’s pretty much everything in a nutshell.

If there’s anything specifically you’d like to know, you just ask. As far as hobbies or things that I like, I’m continuing to evolve. I was an avid mother nature lover and outdoorsman, I used to hunt and fish regularly, fan of Harley Davidson, all motorcycles, really, jeeping, hiking in the woods. But my focus now has just been on myself and my relationship with my children and their families. So that’s really where my focus is at this point.

Pranaya

Mike, I want to go back to the beginning phases of your addiction. Do you remember how old you were when you first had your first drink? Tell us about how it all started.

Mike

That’s something that I know that we’ve been asked in recovery, or, in the houses that we’ve lived in and counseling sessions that we’ve been to. I can tell you that when we talk about the first drink, I can go all the way back to being a kid, a real kid, like single digit years old, where, dad would say, hey, go get me a beer from the refrigerator, and then crack the can and give me a sip of it. I can also remember, when my parents would have company over back in the day, and somebody would give me their cherry from a highball. That kind of thing as a kid.

I don’t know if that’s commonplace now. But it was common when I was growing up as a kid and I don’t honestly think that has any bearing on my addiction or what got me started addicted or abusive relationship with drugs and alcohol. I think those were just normal things that occurred growing up as a kid and, to that point, I think about it and look back on it. And I think about other cultures like in Europe, France and what have you, where the drinking age is non-existent, or alcohol is consumed differently, so to speak.

So, I don’t know that those early childhood experiences that you’re asking me about, I honestly don’t believe they had anything to do with me being actively addicted to alcohol or drugs. However, what I’m not going to dismiss or what I do want to say is that I probably exhibited alcoholic and addictive tendencies and behaviors early on, meaning ego-centric behavior, controlling type behavior, and those came out and manifested in different ways at different times. So what I mean by that Pranaya is I do recall those first drinks as a kid. I can tell you that as a teenager, I raided my parents liquor cabinet and my friends and I would meet out in the woods and we would each bring, ounces, maybe 12 ounces of whatever we could get our hands on. And we pour it all into a pitcher and mix it all together. And that was our version of a Kamikaze, we’d all come with whatever we could find. And, again, I don’t consider that an addictive behavior, I consider that just being an adolescent where I grew up.

At the time I grew up, the people I grew up with – all middle class kids, that was very normal. Again, I don’t know that today that would be considered normal. But it was what we just did and there was no alcohol or drug addiction that resulted as a result of doing those types of things. I never really developed an alcohol or drug dependency until about five years ago. I’m 57. So I’d say my, from the age 50, 51, 52 is when I became abusive with my relationship with alcohol and drugs.

Pranaya

And how was that? How did your drinking progress in the last five years?

Mike

Yeah, so, I want to share this, and it’s something that you said in your very first podcast, and it’s something you and I have heard. This is my story. And if other people benefit from my story, that’s a great thing. But I do not presuppose that my story is any more dramatic or any more painful than anyone else’s. There are plenty of people who have experienced pain, and have dealt with it however they have. So I’m sharing this again, only so that, if somebody benefits from it, that’s great. And, these are the course of events that brought me to the relationship I ended up having with alcohol and drugs.

So in the past five years, and I am going to ask you to make a note here because it is important for your listeners to know, if we go back to 1996, when I was on the police force, I was involved in a deadly force incident. That was a catalyst in me leaving the police department. I was considered retired. It was a catalyst in me leaving the police department. However, that particular event I would tell you was a catalyst in probably my mental health decline – would be the best way to put it. So I had a very good police career, loved being a cop, was involved in the deadly force incident, was married at the time in an attempt to save a marriage.

And to move past law enforcement, I got involved in health care and became an executive in health care. And up until this point, I have had what many people would call a successful life and successful career. However, fast forward to five years ago, to when I was about 50, 51, 52 years of age, there was, I think the word I want to use is, confluence of events, that just kind of steamrolled me to tell you the truth, moving, changing careers, loss of one girlfriend, meaning that we broke up not that she died, but she was active in her addiction and we broke up, and changing careers, moving, death of my mom, putting down a dog, all these significant life events plus two major surgeries, one of which was a life saving surgery, emergency surgery, all these confluence of events, if that’s the right word, we’re just overwhelming for me.

I was never the type of person to ask for help, to seek help, to burden other people with my concerns. So I tried to just kind of shoulder everything myself. And ultimately, everything piling up and me losing control, basically I told you I was egocentric, and controlling. I had lost control over my world. And the way I chose to deal with it was mainly through alcohol. However, I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you I was a garbage pail. I was a garbage pail at one point where if I could find pharmaceutical drugs laying around the house or whatever, or fake pain when I was at the doctor, just to get a prescription for some type of opioid. I did that kind of thing. So, anyway, that’s what happened. Basically I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. And instead of seeking help to deal with it, I chose to attempt to self medicate. And that resulted in just a complete and total loss of control.

Pranaya

Thank you for sharing that. Let’s talk a little bit about a more recent timeline. After having been through all that, and I can only imagine what you went through, how did you finally manage to get some help? How did you finally manage to come to a point where you were able to stop and be at peace with yourself?

Mike

Well, I’d be lying to you if I told you I was at peace with myself today. I think that it’s a continuing evolution for me. And I think, when people talk about how much time they have, I’m more apt to say that I’ve got today, as opposed to saying, my sober date is from a year ago, or whatever. I’ve got today. And that’s all I have, really, and I’m still trying to evolve and trying to find that complete and total inner peace.

And, again, at this point in my life, I never thought this is where I would be or a conversation I’d be having, but it is what it is. So I’m hoping that I can figure out what I want to be when I grow up. But to answer your question directly, I was blessed. And I’m still blessed to have had a woman come into my life, I’m just gonna use her first name, [ ], this person and I developed a relationship that resulted in an engagement and living together. This person loved me with all she had to love me with. And at one point in our relationship, she shared with my daughter, her concerns about my use of alcohol. That resulted in my two children, [ ], the woman I mentioned, my brother and one of my best friends coming to have an intervention with me.

So I would tell you that that was the kick in the butt, so to speak, that, even though I probably suspected myself of losing control, I realized at that point that I was harming other people. That devastated me. To see my daughter crying, my son concerned for me, my fiance so drained of having to deal with the things that I was putting her through and the concerns that she was experiencing, I felt like a failure to them and to myself. So that resulted in my first attempt at recovery. [ ] actually brought me to RCA,Recovery Centers of America in Devon, Pennsylvania. My son went with me first to check it out, and did a little recon. And anyway, [ ] drove me. And this was at the height of COVID. Or I should say, actually, this was at the very beginning of COVID.

So I got admitted to the Recovery Centers of America. I got admitted there, about a month prior to the start of COVID. And then upon my discharge, I was discharged to a completely different world. It was crazy to come out and not really be fully aware of how the world had changed on a dime. But anyway, I think I answered your question. It was a family intervention that led to me realizing that I needed to get a handle on things. And that was my first stab at it. It’s important for you and your listeners to know that. That was my first attempt. But it wasn’t my only attempt, because I failed.

Pranaya

I think at this point I have accepted and recognized the fact that relapse is just part of recovery. And whatever the program or the path you choose to recover, whether you relapse or not, it plants a seed in you, right? And then you start thinking, you start getting your mindset in that zone. So you will get some sobriety, you will get some time. You might relapse, you might not. But even if you relapse, that’s just a data point, I think, in the long term. So I would like to talk to you about your journey in recovery so far. What do you think you have accomplished so far? And what do you hope to accomplish in future?

Mike

That’s a great question. And again, I think I’m continuing to learn and evolve, and understand. So what I’ve accomplished is realizing that I am responsible for the things that I’ve done and the consequences of my actions. I am responsible for my own recovery as well. So I also think, one of the quotes I shared with you earlier, the difference between success and satisfaction, that’s something I’ve learned as well.

Because, Pranaya I have attained what many people would call success – brand new cars and trucks, sports cars, Harley Davidson, motorcycles, nice home, big salary, big title, I’ve had that. I’ve had all that. And while I had that, that was when my family called an intervention. Because I had all that stuff that people call success. But apparently, there was something that was not being dealt with.

And it was that, a level of self loathing to tell you the truth, hatred of self, lots of different things, going on in my mind. So what I’ve accomplished along this recovery road is just taking a step back, recognizing my failures and my successes, choosing to hold myself accountable for my failures, and to celebrate my successes. The cars and the material toys and the big house, they did not help me hold on to [ ], they did not help me develop closeness with my children or my grandchildren.

But it is in just trying to be a better person, trying to evolve as a human being, trying to continue to eat, evolve, develop, grow. These are the things that are leading to a more satisfied life. And simplifying, just simplifying and focusing on experiences and relationships as opposed to things. So that’s what I’ve learned. That’s been my greatest lesson learned in recovery.

Pranaya

Mike, having been sober for a while now, you have seen firsthand the benefits of sobriety. Obviously, the key is to figure out a way to make it work for you in the long haul. Based on your journey in recovery so far, what do you think is the key to finding long term success in sobriety?

Mike

I don’t have long term success. So I guess I can only tell you what I speculate. I think that it is recognizing that it doesn’t go away, this doesn’t go away. If we, those of us who are suffering with addiction, if we recognize that it doesn’t go away, and are willing to utilize tools on a daily basis, and keep people involved with us and hold ourselves accountable, that is where I believe, people will experience long term recovery.

I do believe that recovery can be different for different people, which you and I know, that kind of goes against the principles of what we’ve learnt. There are some of us in recovery, who believe that you have to go by a 12-step program or well, you’re a failure. There are those who dismiss that there are those who say you can use medication in conjunction with a 12-step. I don’t pretend to know what’s right for somebody else.

But I do know that, if somebody chooses to follow the 12-step program and adhere to it, that they will not fail and that they have no choice but to be successful. Because if you embrace it, and if you follow the steps every day, you cannot fail. However, again, relating this to myself, I know that it’s my own ego that has caused me to relapse. It’s when I think Oh, I’ve got this, I don’t need to call a sponsor, I don’t need to go to a meeting, I don’t need to meditate today, I don’t need to say prayers, I don’t need to be grateful for today. It’s again, for me, it’s that ego. It’s me taking control, saying, I’m responsible. I’ve achieved this on my own. I’ve accomplished this for myself. I don’t need to call my friend. I don’t need to talk to my daughter today. And let her know I’m thinking of her, right?

It’s when I get involved in a selfish, ego-centered, narcissistic type mentality, that I’m in danger. So if that helps any of your listeners relate, I would tell you that you cannot lose sight of your own weaknesses, you need to be accountable to them. And if you are accountable to those weaknesses, willing to acknowledge those weaknesses, willing to accept those weaknesses…I hope to enjoy long term recovery at some point to be able to tell you that, I haven’t relapsed, and then I will have years under my belt. I’m not there yet. But I think that the path is being laid, and some days the path is laid with many feet, some days, it’s laid just in inches, but I want to progress every day. What’s the expression that we have? Progress, not perfection. And that’s how I have to choose to keep going.

Pranaya

Thank you for that. Mike. That brings us to the second part of the show. I would like to ask you a few personal questions to get to know you a little bit better. Is that okay?

Mike

Sure.

Pranaya

What does the word ‘forgiveness’ mean to you?

Mike

I believe that forgiveness is being able to accept and acknowledge your own or someone else’s prior actions or behavior. And not use it as a weapon against yourself or them in present day or future. I don’t wanna use the word conflict, but maybe communication. So forgiveness is maybe acknowledging that there’s been a behavior or a comment or something from the past that has had a negative impact, and not using it as a weapon.

That, to me, is forgiveness, because probably none of us should forget things that have occurred from the past. But it doesn’t mean we have to wallow in it. Just acknowledge it, and move past it, but recognize it and accept it for what it was. So forgiveness to me is moving beyond, acknowledging the past but moving beyond. I guess that’s about the best way I can answer that.

Pranaya

Have you forgiven yourself?

Mike

Probably not, to be honest.

Pranaya

Mike, what would you consider the lowest point of your life?

Mike

That’s a good question. Again, I told you about the deadly force incident on the police force. And then more recently, within the past five years, I would tell you that the lowest point in my life is a sense of loss of identity. So back in 1996, when I was a police officer, and by the time 1999 came around, when I left the police force I was divorced from my wife. So I had lost my identity as [ ]’s, husband, as Lauren and John’s dad, as a police officer. I lost all those identities all very quickly.

And that was devastating. And then again, more recently, I changed my career by choice. I changed my career and didn’t do well and lost my fiance, moved from a home that I had bought for us. So I would tell you that, I’ve experienced loss of identity. And for me, that has been the lowest point for me. It It is recognizing the fact that I’m so consumed with my own perception of myself and how others perceive me, that has been a problem for me. So my lowest point has been at those two points in my life when I’ve experienced loss of identity. I hope that answers your question.

Pranaya

Yes, thank you. Now, I want to shift gears a little bit. I want you to think of a moment in the past that you’d consider one of the happiest moments of your life, a snapshot, if you will. What comes to mind?

Mike

Two specific incidents come to mind, the birth of my daughter in 1986, I’m sorry, 1988, I was married in ‘86. So the birth of my daughter in ‘88, and the birth of my son in ‘93. I remember both of those instances, with extreme hypersensitivity. I recall everything about both of their births, specifically, my daughter’s birth was concerning. She had experienced something that resulted in her being taken from the delivery room, immediately away from my wife and I to have some respiratory concerns addressed. I don’t want to go into any detail because it’s not necessary, but that was traumatic.

My firstborn daughter comes out and then the doctors just run away with her to clear her lungs out. So that was exciting, it was happy, it was exhilarating, and scary all at the same time.

And then my son, the funniest thing I could tell you about this is that the delivery doctor was an extremely handsome guy. All the women, all the nurses, all all of his patients love this guy. So what I remember most about the birth of my son is my ex wife, asking me to hand her purse while she’s getting ready to give birth to my son, so she could put on makeup before the doctor comes back into the delivery. So those are two vivid memories that are the happiest times of my life.

I’ve had a lot of great experiences. But those are the two that I focus on, I think about often. I had many, many other good experiences, pleasurable experiences and proud accomplishments. But let’s just leave it at those two for now.

Pranaya

Mike, who is someone you look up to?

Mike

That’s a great question. And I’ve been thinking about this, who do I look up to? And honestly, I’ll tell you, I look up to my adult children for what they’ve experienced and how they’ve grown and processed and become the young adults that they are, the good people that they are, the loving people that they are. And, I can’t speak to their experience or what their thoughts are. But I can only tell you that what they’ve experienced with me, I imagine they could experience or share that they’re disappointed or upset or hurt by me. And they choose not to.

All I’ve ever gotten from them is support and encouragement. That’s all I’ve ever seen them give to their loved ones, their families. So I look up to my children a lot. And then I reflect back on other things. My mom is no longer with us, but I look back on her and my dad. And I also think about the woman, [ ], that I told you about earlier. I look up to her a lot – hard working, single mom who chose her own best interest, as opposed to putting up with a situation that she felt was not healthy for her, I choose to look up to her for that.

So I choose to look up to several people, but my children, especially, are two individuals who I look up to quite a bit. And I realized that should be the other way around. But hoping that them seeing me do what I’m trying to accomplish, I hope that I give them something to look up to someday as well.

Pranaya

What is one thing you’re trying to learn or grow or develop into?

Mike

What am I trying to develop into now? I think, again, every day, just try to be better than I was the day before. I’d like to share with you, and I just told you about this before the interview, maybe I could share with you the experience I had on Friday. So that your listeners know, so they have a background, it’s important to me to feel like I am a contributing member of society. That my motivations are to be in service to other people. So to that end, as an old man, I’ve actually submitted applications to the Philadelphia City Police and to the Delaware judicial system, and have been offered appointments to both. This past Friday, after accepting the position for Delaware State law enforcement position, I had accepted the position contingent on a psych evaluation. And I went for the psych evaluation on Friday. And during that interview with the psychiatrist, and the questions that she was asking, I want to laugh with you right now. But I realized that I had a decision or I had a choice to make at that point.

I could answer her honestly, and jeopardize my opportunity to pursue this career. Or I could be dishonest because I know all the right answers. I know how to answer these questions that they’re looking for. I could have been very evasive, however, I chose to answer honestly about my addiction, about my PTSD, about being in a recovery house, about going to meetings and quite honestly, I believe I jeopardized my opportunity by being honest.

Now, the way that I share that story with you, is because, to answer your question, to know that I could have lied and, and not put up a roadblock for my own career opportunity to get back into a career that I want, I would have gotten it unethically and what that would have done to me or what I told myself as I was being interviewed by the psychiatrist. And I’m talking about my drug use, and alcohol use and, and PTSD and all those things is, I had a decision to be ethical or not.

And I told my children when they asked me why I even wanted to get back into law enforcement. And I told them, it’s because I want to walk the walk, I want to set the example, I want to show them and my grandchildren that I believe in right and wrong, and I believe in law enforcement and what it stands for – the goodness behind it.

I could have gotten that career, again, if I had just kept my mouth shut and given them the answers that they wanted. But I chose to answer honestly, and I shared with you before this interview, I believe that it’s probably cost me that opportunity to be employed. And I have to tell myself that that’s okay. I did the right thing. I answered honestly, I answered ethically, I surrendered control, I didn’t attempt to control the situation, which I would have done in the past. I would have attempted to manipulate and control so that I got the desired outcome that I wanted. And that has been my greatest growth.

Going back to your earlier question, I’ve just come to the realization that that’s been my greatest growth in recovery – is that it’s not for me to control. I’m not here to control other people’s reactions, I’m not here to manipulate outcomes. It’s one thing to have goals and ambitions and desires. But to go about everything properly, to do the right thing, to do the next right thing, to be ethical and appropriate, even when other people are not aware of it – that’s what ethics is, doing the right thing, even if somebody else isn’t aware of it. So I think this past Friday was actually a pretty big growth moment for me to tell you the truth.

As I’m having this conversation with you, it’s coming, more and more, to fruition for me that I am continuing to grow and that’s a good thing. Gonna be extremely disappointed if I don’t get that position. However, I have to tell myself, if I did get it, and I got it based on a lie, or lying to the psychiatrist, what does that say about me? And what does that say to my children? Or grandchildren? If they knew that, I had PTSD, which is considered mental illness and addiction, which is considered mental illness. If I were to get a position like that based on lies, then what am I? Who am I? So, thanks for letting me see that.

Pranaya

Mike, whether you get that job or not, I sincerely believe that at the end of the night, when you look at yourself in the mirror, I think that person would be very proud of yourself. And I think your children, your family,, will be proud of you, too.

Mike

Thank you.

Pranaya
Mike, what is something people often get wrong about you?

Mike

I’m not sure to tell you the truth. I don’t necessarily know other people’s perception of me. I don’t know if I can answer that. Maybe I’ll say this – maybe because I’m tall. I was athletic at one point in my life. I’m bigger. And I can be imposing. I imagine that people, when they first meet me, can feel as if I’m an imposing figure, but I’m not. I’m just a big little teddy bear. So I’m not a tough guy. I’m just a guy. And so I would say that maybe it’s just a physical presence that sometimes people feel can be imposing or intimidating, but I don’t believe I’m imposing or intimidating at all.

Mike

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Pranaya

You had me there, Mike.

We are now in the last segment of our show, which I call the rapid-fire round. I would like you to answer these questions in one sentence or less. Are you ready?

Mike

I hope so.

Pranaya
What is on your nightstand right now?

Mike

What is on my nightstand right now is a lamp and a weapon called an ASP, which is something that police officers carry. It’s an expandable baton. So that’s what’s on my nightstand right now.

Pranaya

I know you love to cook, but I never got to know about your own preferences. What is your favorite meal?

Mike

My favorite meal Pranaya is any meal that you and I prepare together for a house full of hungry fellows. I really liked cooking, especially with you and enjoyed our time doing that for the fellows in our recovery house. I don’t have a favorite meal to tell you the truth, I just enjoy cooking. I don’t enjoy cooking just for myself. So I kind of order out a lot right now. But, I enjoy just preparing anything that can be creative and allowing me to experience something new using new ingredients, new vegetables, and a new flavor. Just something fun and exciting to prepare.

Pranaya

What is your favorite recovery related resource or a book or a tool or an app?

Mike

I use an app. It is called My Recovery Toolkit. So every day you log in, today is my 361st day. And so I use that. But again, that’s a little bit disingenuous for me to say because I have relapsed. And I also believe that, it’s 24 hours at a time, but I use my recovery toolkit. I also have a couple of favorite daily reflection type books, where I like to just read somebody else’s story or somebody else’s prayer.

But my favorite thing is when I shared with you at the very beginning of the podcast, and that is the peace prayer of St. Francis. That is my go to tool on a daily basis. And I try to reflect on it often many times during the day when I start to feel any kind of certain way. And I just realized this is the rapid-fire section and I am talking too much.

Pranaya

How many hours of sleep do you get every night?

Mike

I sleep pretty well. Eight hours.

Pranaya

A TV show you binged and thoroughly enjoyed?

Mike

Downton Abbey. Believe it or not I really liked that a lot. I didn’t think I would. It was awesome.

Pranaya

One thing you’re truly grateful for today.

Mike

Continued growth and understanding of myself. And I’m going to elaborate to say my children as well. So two things I’m extremely grateful for.

Pranaya

Mike, we have now reached the end of the show. I have one last question before we wrap things up. As I’ve told you, my mission with this podcast is to raise awareness about substance abuse and addiction. And try to help out as many people as we can. What advice would you give to someone who is currently struggling with addiction and listening to you now, someone who wants to quit, but doesn’t know where to begin, Who is lost and confused?

Mike

So let that person know that there are people right now that they don’t even know who are praying for them. wanting them to take that first step. Iif they’re recognizing that in themselves, they’ve made the first step, now all they have to do is act on it. And that’s to reach out. Reach out to somebody, maybe not somebody in your current circle, though, maybe your current circle is not healthy for you. But reach out to somebody who can help get you on a path.

Make the decision to take the next step. And continue to take the steps even if you get knocked down. Even if you get pushed back. Just dust yourself off, pick yourself up and reach your hand out, because somebody will reach back to help. You might not know that person right now. Or they may be somebody who’s very close to you. But until you share your own struggle that you want help, until you make that known, until you’re willing to accept help, people may not be willing to do for you what my family and ex fiance did for me. They might not be aware of your concern. So share it. Don’t be embarrassed by it. Don’t let it define you. And just take the next step.

Pranaya

Mike, thank you so much for sharing, and I really appreciate your time today.

Mike

I appreciate you Pranaya, and you hosting and promoting and producing the podcast and hope that people benefit from it. If my story has impacted anybody and helps them recognize in themselves a desire to get healthy then I guess we’re both doing a good thing.

Pranaya

Before you go, if you enjoyed this episode, if you found any value, I encourage you to share this episode with one other person. Send this to just one other friend or a family member. This not only helps spread the word about the show, but people respond to and identify with different topics, different voices, different ideas, and you might end up helping someone in need. Thank you!

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